Poem

I am Cinderella


Moping the floor


Vacuuming the dust


Of life


I make the bed


The cats


Sure they're fed


The compost bin empty


I Scrub the tiles


Fill the dishwasher


Noughties man


Complete with smiles


You come home


And find something I've missed


A fault, a mistake


You write up a list


So I am Cinderella


My car a coach of mice


But at least I think the house


Is tidy


Clean and nice.

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Annoy

Wrong


In the butchers


Person:- Hello, I would like some meat


Butcher:- What type of meat?


Person:- I would like meat from a cow


Butcher:- What cut would you like?


Person:- I would like shin


Butcher:- How much shin would you like?


Person:- I would like 500g's of shin


Butcher:- That will be £3.50 please




Right


In the Butchers


Person:- Hello, I would like 500g of beef shin please


Butcher:- Certainly. That will be £3.50 please.




See how simple it is? How an unnecessary conversation can be condensed into a just one statement and answer? It's not hard really is it?

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Poem

Seven days seem so far away


Seven nights too long


When I was younger time seemed to drag


Like the knuckles of King Kong


But now time seems to go too fast


When spent like mercuric sand


Though seven days is far away


I know the time's at hand

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As requested by the remarkable <lj user="das_clive">

Pot-Roasted Loin of Pork with Apple




You will need:




4lb Boned loin of pork (I used a 1lb joint with bones)


1/2 pint Dry Cider (I used Magners)


1/4 pint of Sour Cream (I used greek yoghurt)


1 1/2tsp of salt




For the Stuffing




1 oz Butter (local)


1 small onion (local) chopped


2 oz White bread crumbs (I used granary bread)


2 apples (I used 1) chopped


2 oz raisins


Finely grated rind of 1 orange (I used chopped orange rind)


Pinch of ground cloves


salt & pepper




Method




1. Preheat the oven to 220°C (Gas mark 7). In a frying pan melt the butter and sauté the onions for 10 minutes then add the rest of the stuffing ingredients.


2. With the pork rind side down make a horizontal cut between the meat and the fat to make a pocket


3. Stuff the pocket with the stuffing. Roll joint up and tie with string. Score rind with sharp knife


4. Pour the cider and cream into a large casserole. Stir to combine then add the pork RIND SIDE DOWN. Cook in oven uncovered for 30 minutes.


5. Turn joint over so rind is facing upwards. Baste and sprinkle rind with salt. Cook for a further hour basting at 30 minutes.


6. Reduce heat to 180°C (Gas mark 4) and cook for a further 90 minutes.


7. Remove from oven and allow to rest for 20 minutes before carving.




Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

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Dog's dinner.

Caught the bus into Uni this morning with the intent of having a few pints after classes this afternoon. When you catch the peasant wagon not only are you crammed into a oblong metal box with the great unwashed, but you get to hear the various conversations that go on around. They're like social snap shots at times.




This morning I was torn between two gents discussing their various civil penalties (magistrate court fines, community service etc) and a group of girls bitching about some Cassanova who has been putting it about unbeknownst to his current squeeze.




However, as usual the best conversation is always left until last.




**phone rings**


Girl One Hiya.......yeah....no I'll be there in two minutes. Am just on the bus....ok see you in a bit **hangs up phone** Fucking two faced bitch


Girl Two No. That was two faced.


Girl Three LOLZ0RZZZ

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Slightly improved poetry by Stegzy Gnomepants.

Hunger




Stop your incessant whining


You furry mosquito


You're pestering me for food or drink


Or maybe a burrito




You're prowling round the room


Yipping and yowling


You jump up on my desk


When pushed off you start growling




You are an impatient cat


You've only just been fed


It's not your tea for quite some time


So go curl up on t' bed




You're nudging my hand


You're tripping up my feet


Oh for fuck sake you annoying cat


Here! Have a plate of meat.

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Custard - A poem by Stegalopolis Gnomopantalon

Custard




Yellow and gloopy


Yellow and runny


Yellow and lumpy


Yellow and funny


Custard I love you


Custard you're great


Hot in a bowl


Cold on a plate


I like you with pie


I like you quite thick


I like you with jelly


Though some think that sick


But custard oh custard


You yellowly majestic confection


I love you so much


You give me an erection infection

Other poems by the same author

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