Tuesday, 15 June 2004

More foolishness

Some people have no sense

" Afternoon. Computer Services Helpdesk"

"Hello yes. Is that the helpdesk?"

"Yes. How can I help?"

"Well Im filling in this computer form online for computer quota using my computer on the network..."

"yes go on"

"...and theres a part thats asking for my 'real name' . Can you tell me what it means?"

"Erm.....ok...well basically its your name"

"yes but whats my realname"

"your name is your real name! unless you're using an alias"

"yes but I dont understand all that computer stuff."

Blood pressure rises gradually.

"OK. I'll try and explain in a more simple manner. Can you tell me what your name is please?"

"Im Professor Noah Tall*"

"Ok then your real name is....Noah Tall*, unless that is you want to be known as Mickey Mouse or Fred Squirrel or something"

"Oh I see! oh well thats stupid why doesnt it just ask me what my name is?"

"Thank you for calling"

*(name changed to protect the stupid)

Network Printers

Woman comes in. Goes to the information handouts. Picks one of the handouts which is in a pouch clearly labled
"Installing the Network Colour Printer"
and has
"Installing the Network Colour Printer"
clearly written across the top.

Reads it.

Scratches her head.

Comes up to the counter

Like Uri Geller, Derren Brown, Deanna Troi or some other psychic/mind reader/empath I knew exactly what it was she was going to ask.

Lets see if you can guess. Think what she asked.........ok....got an idea.....then click the cut below

She asked "Does this tell me how to install the network colour printer?"

Well???? Where you right????

Why did she ask me that?!!!!??!?!

Comments please!

Friday, 11 June 2004


Why is it......that some people that have computers.......run a million and one things in the background that they aint ever going to use? You know what I mean? They have like a million and one icons in their system tray cos theyre running "Instant Cybercustard" "Super Casino" "Nuclear Porn" "Compuparsnip V2" "Electronic Donkey" and other useless things that they would probably never ever use, only use rarely or only makes their PC look prettier. Then have the audacity to call me.....and tell me that the
is running slow and that its my fault! Then when I proxy onto their pc and point out all the "mysterious things that are in their system tray", they say "Oh i never put that there" or "I didn't know I was installing that". Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......i feel my blood boiling already I need to chill.

Monday, 7 June 2004


Ewwwwwwwww....we just barred a 3rd year student.....for............


under the desk...

....in a busy user area.....

...Looking at porn....

....and leaving a "sticky deposit" on the chair.

Some people have no shame!

Goodness gracious!

I work in the COMPUTER SERVICES DEPARTMENT of one of the Universities in Liverpool. I deal with mindless computing queries all day in the form of emails, telephone calls and visits. Dont get me wrong, sometimes the queries are challenging and quite exciting. But just occasionally.

Today I'm doing email.

Todays STAR STUPID EMAIL is................

"I would very much like to leave my body for medical research, could you

please tell me how I go about it.

Thanking you"

Erm.......how do i answer that????

Friday, 4 June 2004

People with computers

I dont know whats scarier. People with £1000's worth of Computer kit and not having a clue what to do with it or people with £1000's worth of motor vehicle and not knowing how to drive!

Both should be illegal

Tuesday, 1 June 2004


Today I feel really down. I have no idea why. Well...thats a lie. Im partly down because I have to "work" today. Sometimes this job gets me down. Too many stupid people, wanting stupid things or doing stupid things. I then spend about 30 minutes looking for a job else where but to no avail.

Ok so if in the slim chance, you have a job for me paying £16k or more please let me know!

Theres a key phrase I dread -
"Im no good with computers"
- No shit! That phrase normally preceeds "..
.and I want to turn my PC into a goat"
or "
....can you tell me how to calculate the speed of galaxy B6 using MSpaint?"

Theres no hope for these people. "
Oh but Steve, you know about computers you shouldnt be so hard on these people"
Yeah! I know about computers cos I took the fucking time to learn! I didn't have anyone to ask about how to use internet exploder in 1997.

The little voice in my head says "KILL THEM ALL!" but for the lack of a weapon of mass destruction I have to pass.