You know when you're baking a cake (yes, baking. That's what people did BT (Before Tescos)) and it fills your kitchen with the lovely aroma of cakey goodness but you can't take it out of the oven yet because it's not ready and otherwise it will be ruined?
Well that's what my 4 minute film is like. Its cooking really nicely (in a metaphorical sense) and it looks first class. However there is still one piece of film to add before the final edition. I'm really really pleased with it. Moreover I'm in a quandary. Next year I have to choose, film & radio or writing & radio. There is no option for writing and film. I really want to do writing and film.
Radio is arse. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the radio module, but in the UK unless you've got experience in a live radio situation you've got as much chance of getting a job in radio as Rabbi Moses Goldsburgstien has of becoming Pope. In effect it is of no consequence. But I'm going to bring it up at my next personal tutorial.
Also today, I started my magazine cover. The assignment brief asks for us to design a full page cover of a magazine catering for young people (16-25...ageist bastards) and so I'm going to do Young Foodie which will cover Local food issues for young people....or something like that.
Last night the wife and I dined on finest Broad Close Farm Shop Pork and Apple Sausages. They were accompanied by mashed potato (made by the wife) and cabbage with an onion and mushroom jus (gravy). If I say so myself they were bloody good sausages! The gravy was also spot on. However the bacon we bought from Hazelhead Hall seems to be off. So I doubt we'll be going there again.
I've been watching Juno too.....
Tuesday, 22 January 2008
Cake
Sunday, 20 January 2008
Premature: A long post cut down so you can read the abridged version
Mrs Gnomepants and I did eventually get to go to farm shops as planned. But our trip to the international food store in Wakefield will have to wait now until next month.
First port of call was Broad Close Farm Shop in Silkstone. Silkstone is a fairly affluent area of Barnsley. You can tell this because there are few houses and those in the village are all nicely presented and even the village petrol station (yes it still has one) is nicely manicured.
This is the farm shop.
There were also some tasty looking rabbits.
My first worry was that because this shop had been advertising on Dearne FM that it would be overly expensive. But it was new by the looks of it. Small in layout, with only a cooked meat and uncooked meat display, a few baskets of pristine looking vegatables and some expensive looking (locally produced) oils and stuff; brands which I've noticed from other farmshops. There is a concern that the more successful local producers are pushing out the smaller ones before they can get a foot hold making them no better than the corporate giants. Sad thing is I see this happening more and more often and because the demand for finest finest finest foods by the middle class foodies, disillusioned with supermarkets (or just wanting to appear more ethical to the Joneses) pushes up the price of locally produced food, I think the quality and ethical standpoint suffers. But no matter.
Broad Close specialises in pork, lamb and beef and, as it happens, we came out with naught but 4 sausages. I'll tell you about them when I eat them. Anyway, the next stop was to be the Hazelhead Hall Farm Shop in the aptly named Penistone. However just as we were heading into the foothills of the Pennines we saw a sign beckoning us to a seemingly previously unknown farmshop which specialised in fruit and veg. So we stopped off there for a nose.
In a little shed there was a vast selection of fruit and veg. Veg you've never even heard of. Not only that locally produced stuff was clearly labelled. We bought locally produced honey, Brussels sprouts, carrots and some free range eggs. This little farm shop didn't do meat. But that was not to be a consequence because we spent nearly £40 on fruit and veg there which, no doubt, should last us 2 weeks.
So on to Hazelhead Hall. The approach to Hazelhead Hall was nice. A dirt track taking you past future meals (ie live pigs and free range chickens) up to the farm shop itself.
Pigs = where pork and bacon comes from
Chickens come from farms too not just Supermarkets
Hazelhead Hall looked expensive from the outside. A sign in the window announced that their coffee shop was closing for good next week. This probably means that they are going to expand. Again, a farm shop that seemingly specialises in meat. Notably beef and chicken. However there was no chicken available because there had been a run on Free range chicken since Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's TV programmes the other week*.
We ended up spending £10 on a HUGE bag of stewing beef (which should last us the rest of the month if not longer), £4 on a really nice and tasty looking steak and a further £10 on some barn reared chicken which the butcher assured us was not intensively reared (though I do have my reservations about that statement). Either way we spent a heck of a lot of money on that
* Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Jamie Oliver and Gordon Ramsey are TV Chefs here in the UK. They recently did a series of programmes about how intensively rearing chickens is really cruel and how supermarkets are tricking customers into ignorance about the cost and method of production of bargain basement chicken. It was very interesting. Indeed you should go to http://www.chickenout.tv and teach yourself something about some of the shit the supermarket has you shovel down your throat.
When we came back from
Today we nipped down to Blythe
Tuesday, 13 July 2004
Rubbish
As I was driving to work this morning I noticed that for one particular street it was Bin Day (when the bins get emptied you know?). Anyway, I was struck by how few recycling bins there were. Sure there was a few, here and there, but there was a hell of a lot more people who still dont recycle.
Of course some of them might already recycle and take their recycling to the recycling centre on a weekend or something but still that wouldnt account for the over flowing wheelie bins that were awaiting collection. This gets my goat up.
In my house we have been recycling for over 7 years (doorstep recycling collections only started last year) and we would make a special effort to wash and separate our glass bottles and paper, take them to Asda or Tesco and put them in the proper boxes. It brought us great joy and made us feel like we were actually doing something constructive for the future of the planet.
My mum and dad used to only keep the newspapers for recycling but now they do everything (after Clopper and I gave them a lecture on the environment) and the same goes for most of our friends. But still there is a mentality to just chuck everything into one bin and be done with it.
My neighbours are one of the worst culprits. They live in a massive house (4 bedrooms, a conservatory and a converted garage) yet there is only Mr Fathead (in his mid 30's I imagine), Mrs Fathead (mid to late twenties), little fathead (about 3ish), Fido Fathead (the dog which is allowed to poo all over their back garden) and babyfathead (less than 18months). Yet they have 2 bins (both for general crap and unsorted trash both of which are over flowing come bin day) and sometimes they even put out an extra bag of rubbish. When they moved in they threw out a TV set which sat festering in its cardboard box for 6 months and in April he dropped a glass bottle he was putting into his bin and the broken shards of glass have still to be cleaned up from the path. Fucking lazy arse hole he is. I'm not being a snob but there is only two of us in my house (and the two cats) yet we get embarrased if our bin lid wont shut!
We have 3 bins, a blue one for garden waste, a green box for recycling (both of which are collected on a bi monthly basis) and our normal house hold shite bin for non recyclalblelelebubble schtuff. The blue bin is barely filled, the green box (because of hungry feline cohabitees) tends to be slightly top heavy but our normal bin, which gets put out every week, is only half full at best!
What is wrong with them? Didnt they live through the 80's/90's green revolution? Did they not pay attention in class when the teacher talked about environmental issues and landfill sites?? Or are they just down right ignorant buggers that need a fucking good bellow at?? But then thinking about it we are the only house with a blue bin and also tend to be the only house that puts out the green bin every two weeks.
I suppose I gotta live with the fact that we can't all be perfect......
Friday, 9 July 2004
Poverty Corner and grannies - A whinge
Sometimes I can be a complete snob.
Sorry. But I can be. I dont mean to be. I think its something to do with my upbringing. (I'm the true heir to the throne of England you know*)
Anyway, I was reading on another journal about how people tend to swarm when they see or hear the words "FREE" and "FOOD" and gorge themselves silly. Anyway, it brought to mind a phenomenon in Supermarkets in Liverpool [I don't have that much experience of supermarkets out of the city I live in only because when I go away the last thing I want to do is grocery shopping, unless of course its at Waitrose but thats understandable]. So feel free to let me know if this is just a localised thing.
Anywotsits, in the supermarkets I've been to they tend to have two places, one in a chiller cabinet and one in an ordinary shelf where the supermarket tries to flog off its damaged or close to sell by date but still edible/usable stock for well below the price. You know what I mean it usually turns out to be something that you would never eat anyway like badger paté or kipper cordial or marmite or something.
Example:-
Pristene packets of sliced ham say £2.00 compared to dog eared, shiney slimey ham that someone got from the deli counter then left amongst the cereals for 10p
At certain times of day you can see swarms of pensioners, students and bargain hunters congregating around these parts of the supermarket awaiting the arrival of the next batch of soiled goods.
Now I'm not saying its a bad thing, it isn't, when I was unemployed I would battle my way through the throngs to get my crushed shortbread biscuits, I'm just pointing out what an amusing sight it is to see hordes of grannies fighting over unpleasant looking duck liver paté for 10p. It's as if all human decency and manners go out of the window as hair is pulled, groins are elbowed and toes trod on. I suppose after all we are all just animals in a base and primal way.
While Im on the subject of grannies. I dont know whether its the same in the states (you'll notice I have this fascination with cultural differences which one day I may expand on), but is it me or are pensioners today inconsiderate, rude and ill-mannered?
When I was a kid :-
Grannies :- Awww hasnt he got lovely curly hair. Awww bless. Have some sweeties!
Me :-
Now:-
Grannies:- Out of the way!
Me:- oooof!
Pensioners today seem to be very rude, they push to the front of queues, hit you with their walking sticks, smell of wee and never smile. They never say "Thank you deary" anymore, nor do they ask "Would you like some sweeties?". They don't even have blue rinses, drink tea or bake biscuits.
Whereas pensioners less than 20 years ago were lovely sweet dears with blue hair. They would let you get on the bus first, (or at least offer to which you would politely say "No after you" and you would help them on the bus), they'd invite you in for cups of tea and biscuits, talk about the war and share tales of their youth (Normally starting with the immortal phrase "In my day..."). They would smell of lavender or brut 33, smile with big false teeth smiles and ruffle your curly hair (if you were as unfortunate as me to have curly hair).
When did it go wrong?? I used to hear the cry "Kids today!" but more and more so these days I hear "Pensioners today! They have no manners!!"
My grandparents taught me manners and how to be polite (along with my parents of course), my gran taught me to be the gentleman I am today (I still hold open doors for people of all ages though I tend to let them go in ungrateful peoples faces if they dont say thankyou) and my grandparents were lovely old people full of joy and spirit. Yet it appears that some of todays are being stripped of decency and being taught the ways of the world by rude, obnoxious, piss-smelling biddies.....is it no wonder theres few polite people in the world??....
*= May not be true
Thursday, 8 July 2004
Metric v Imperial
The Today program on BBC Radio 4 had an interesting article this morning about how the UK still works in imperial (yards, pounds, inches etc) despite moves by the European Parliament to put us in line with the rest of the world using metric (centimetres, grams etc).
What I think is "Why should it matter?!"
I was taught, as with most children born in 1973, in the metric system which is fine and splendidilyumptuos as the imperial system is too weird and complex. However the following does not happen:-
Me - Hello Mr Milkman
Mr Milkman - Hello Mr Gnomepants what a lovely morning
Me - Indeed! The birds are chirping the sun is shining....
Mr Milkman - How true! And what can I do for you today?
Me - Oooh I'll have 0.568 litres of milk please
Mr Milkman - Certainly!
However what does happen is:-
Me - Oi
Mr Milkman - What?
Me - Wheres me fuckin milk?
Mr Milkman - How much do you want?
Me - 0.568 litres please
Mr Milkman - Only what you see on the back of the float mate
Me - There! look!! 0.568 litres in a glass recepticle
Mr Milkman - you mean a fuckin pint! you wanker
Me - No we are metric now and have been since 1973!
Mr Milkman - Shut it weirdo....and have a shave......and get you're hair cut....you dont even get your milk delivered!
This scenario does not happen:-
Me- 0.568 litres of Big Jugs please sexy barmaid
Barmaid - Why certainly have some of my foaming Big Jugs.
Me - Fancy a shag?
Barmaid - yeah why not!
This scenario does happen
Me - A pint of Big Jugs please
Barmaid - Sexist bastard
Me - Noooo the beer
Barmaid - Oh right Im new to this
Me - Fancy a shag?
Barmaid - No thanks I have a great auk at home, I dont think they'd get on well.
I can cook and bake. A skill I was taught by my gran, sadly no longer with us, who taught me how many ounces there are in a pound and how many fluid ounces there are in a pint. Grams are easy to use and straightforward. But what I have a problem with is two fold.
Distance - I will measure a piece of string or a line or something in metric ie. "oooh I need 2cm of stickytape to fasten this wrapping paper" but when it comes to distance I will say :- "Oooh Texas is Miles away" and not "Ooooh Texas is kilometres away" which doesnt have the same feel to it.....do you see what I mean?
Temperature - What does my tits in is when its hot people say "Oooh it must be 90 degrees today!" - cos surely if it was 90 degrees we'd be dead! But if they had said "Oooh its 32 degrees today", immeadiately I'd be like "oooh thats quite warm!". But then, when its cold people tend to immeadiately switch to Celcius "Oooh its reet cold....must be minus 5 outside" not "Oooh its reet cold.....must be 23 outside". To me 23 is still warm....cos I work in celcius......confused? Not as much as me!
So Im going to try something new. Something 3rd Gen......Instead of centimetres I'm going to use gigameters, grams in fractions of a tonne, temperature in degrees Kelvin, and I bet they lock me up for being uberwierd! The cheek of it!
Wednesday, 7 July 2004
Rude
"What've ya got?" I asked
"Big Jugs" she said seductively
"Oooo giz a look!" I pleaded
"Phwarr your Big Jugs are great!" I exclaimed
"Why thank you!" she said
<\Benny Hill Humor>
Viruses
Not having up-to-date anti-virus software on your PC is
as irresponsible as having unprotected sex with a complete stranger.